he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
