When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
