nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
