he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Randomize
