saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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