C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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