She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize