Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
