there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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