It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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