chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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