So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
