I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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