just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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