Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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