Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
