ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
