She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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