Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
