why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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