this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
