Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
