so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
