Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
