weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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