I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
