I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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