I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
