God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
two words...techno handjob
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there is glitter all over my balls
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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