Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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