I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
