The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
