I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
