have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
