Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
