the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize