If i come over, it means nothing
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize