Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you will always have a special place in my vag
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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