People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize