i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
