At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
