I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
