Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
