I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
