she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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