I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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