I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the day after is always just damage control
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
