She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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