So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
