I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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