Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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