WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
