p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
