I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
