I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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