I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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