You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
