Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
