I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
