I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
