WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
