My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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