I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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