Operation Purity has been aborted
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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