The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
