did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
