margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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