As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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