I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
