did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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