I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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