just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
