Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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