Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
