The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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