Acid is not a monday night drug
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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