Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
