I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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