He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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