I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
