just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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