Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
