end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
