i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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