"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
