ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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